"In Case of Emergency, Break Glass"

For most of 2024 I thought about, gathered materials and built a piece for the Faces Of Addiction Exhibit. It started with an Artist Call from Nick Reale. He was looking for artists to collaborate with him focusing on the subject of addiciton and addiction recovery. He carved close to 50 heads that artists could choose from and then incorporate them into a piece of art. His only requirement was that each artist have a personal relationship with addiction (themselves or someone they know) and the carved head has to be incorporated.

When I decided to participate in the Faces of Addiction project I immediately thought about shame and how it can contribute to addiction.  I know I wanted to create an art doll filled with symbols of shame. I reached out into the community explaining my project and asked; What does shame look like to you? If there was an image or symbol that would represent shame to them, what would it be? I used the example of a wave and how feelings of shame can make you feel flooded with negative feelings and negative self talk. Or a seesaw because our striving for perfectionism creates imbalance. I started receiving symbols and explanations that led to conversations. Those conversations led to more symbols and explanations. As I looked for physical symbols to incorporate into the piece, that too led to even more conversations and so on. It truely started to become a community piece as more and more people shared their personal stories. I started to see healing and it fueled the project even more.

My hope was that my piece would help us see how shame can fill us up which leaves no space for understanding and healing.  That we would feel safe to share our shame and are supported by those that we intrust our deepest thoughts.  My biggest hope was that we would feel lighter when we release that shame from our hearts, minds and bodies.  That we would break the pattern of silence, secrecy and judgment and experience empathy and compassion along this healing journey.

I wanted everyones voice to be heard so I put together a book explaining the project and how shame relates to addiction, listing each symbol and leaving blank pages for visitors to have a safe place to share their shame.

Excerpt from the book explaining each symbol:

When I decided that my project would focus on shame I wanted to reach out into the community to know what shame looks like to them.  This was an opportunity to learn from their experiences but also an opportunity for them to share their shame and take the steps towards removing it.  I asked if there was an image or symbol that represented shame to them, and any meaning behind it.

Between comments on social media and speaking to individuals many symbols and thoughts were shared. I appreciate everyone’s input and vulnerability and the stories they shared with me.

I built my piece with an almost dull exterior to represent the feeling so many feel when filled with shame.  I gathered items that would stand out and represent the thoughts and ideas of those that contributed.  The symbols stand out more just like the feeling we have when we can’t see beyond our shame.

The following symbols have been included in my piece:

SYMBOLS OF SHAME (and a few additions that can help us on our journey)

ALCOHOL BOX - The body is made of a box used to hold bottles of alcohol.

ARMY MAN - The experiences while being in the military can lead to PTSD, injury and loss.

DONKEY (photo) - Carrying so much baggage.

BEER BOTTLE CAPS & WINE CORKS - Represents the addiction of alcohol.

BODY PARTS - Comparison of how we look compared to others and wishing we could easily change different parts of our body.

BOOK - So often people don’t look past the cover.  Everyone’s story has a middle and an end.  Where are you in your story and how will it end?

BOUNCY BALL - Can represent a lack of direction or control in one’s life, causing uncertainty and anxiety.

BUTTERFLY - They can show us how we can go within ourselves to dissolve old forms and morph, rebuilding and evolving ourselves.  They show use the importance of surrender and trust.  Seeing one is a sign that positive change is transpiring, and brave forces are watching over you, and ensuring graceful transitions.

CAGED HEART - Suggests that the heart is a prison for our emotions and desires.  Unexpressed emotions yearn for liberation.  To be confined, limited.

CANDLE BURNED AT BOTH ENDS - To use up all of our energy or resources.

CHAIN - Addiction of any kind is such a stronghold. Bondage of abdication.

CHAMELEON - Addicts are great at adapting to new environments so to not have to show their true self.

CHILD (photo) - “Shame makes me feel small and makes me quiet and reserved like a small child hiding in the corner hoping no one sees her.”

PRAYER BOOK - Feelings based on culture, family, beliefs or lived experiences and they might not meet the teachings of church or the individuals in church.  Not feeling excepted or like we are enough.

CLOSED DOOR (photo) - Imprisonment, entrapment, enclosure or control.  Closed doors offer little but cold comfort, even banishment.

COIN/MONEY/BILLS (photo) - Shame over loss of money, or feeling like you don’t have enough.

COLOR ORANGE & PINEAPPLE (photo) - Color and symbol of infertility awareness

COMPUTER (photo) - To represent addiction to porn.

CONFETTI - It is fun and exciting but a pain to clean up after.  It can make quite the mess.  It can reflect the desire to break free from the constraints of external pressures and find ones own path.  It can represent the transient nature of success and the fleeting joy that can come from external achievements.”

CORNER BRACES - Used to provide better support.  Provides a protective coat to corners.  An area that sticks out and can easily be damaged without the added protection.

DESERT (photo)-  To not cry and be “dry” of feelings or to be dull on the inside numb to feelings.

DICE - Taking a chance; metaphor for life unpredictability.   

EMPTY CORNER - To represent the emptiness we can feel on the inside.

EYES - That we are continually being watched and judged.

F/SCHOOL GRADES (photo) - Feelings of inadequacy, low self-esteem, or the fear of not measuring up to societal expectations.

FABRIC VEIL (photo) - To not be be seen or a distorted view.

FILE FOLDERS (photo) - All the many things we file away in our brain like “should have, could have, would have.”

FLAME (photo) - Shame can feel like you are burning up.

FLOWER LIKE IMAGE, IMPLODING (photo) - To collapse inward as if from external pressure.  To break down or fall apart from within.

FOOD STAMPS - Lack of physical food or feelings of being ‘fed’.

GHOST (photo) - People can’t see the real you

GLOVE GARTERS - Feeling strapped in.

GRAY CLOUD (photo) - Suggest that sadness can bring a sense of dullness or lack of brightness.

GREEN (photo) - Color that symbolizes abortion rights

HAND COVER EYES (photo), HEAD BOWED - Trying not to be seen.  “If I can’t see you, you can’t see me.”  This image could have two feelings.  One of shame and almost like hiding but on a positive side it could be an image of praying and deep thought. “It reminds me that we don’t always know when someone is hurting and not reaching out for help.”  “No eyes to see or be seen”. Shame make you want to hide or disappear.”

HANGING OUT TO DRY - The phrase carries a connotation of helplessness, like clothes pinned to a line and at the mercy of the sunshine and wind.

HEAVY HEART (metal) - To be weighed down or burdened by sadness.  To have your emotions physically weighing you down.

HOLES WITH LIGHT SHINING THROUGH (photo) - Scattered light, constantly grasping trying to find the light.

HOOK - We can get hooked on our addictions and the shame that led to it.  That is until we share that shame and release ourselves from the hook.

HOURGLASS - The hourglass is often used as a symbol that human existence is fleeting, and that the "sands of time" will run out for every human life.

Also, women who exhibit the hourglass figure have been shown to be more admired, which can put pressure on women whose body shapes are noticeably different.

IMAGE OF AN ADDICT - From the individual that sent a picture that was taken soon before starting sobriety.  “I have given myself the grace to accept this was a past iteration of myself. I know I needed to walk this path to get to where I am today.  Shame, regret, guilt…forgiveness.”

KEY HOLE - associated with secrecy, safety and privacy

KEY - Locking or unlocking doors to represent trust, authority, freedom, wisdom and eternal love.  Speaks to the core of our desires and aspirations and a quest for fulfillment.  Giving a key to someone or something else is granting them the power.

LOCK - A lock can represent locking, stopping, and protecting, keeping people and energies out.  But it can also represent those same things being locked inside of us not being able to get them out.

MASK OF HAPPY FACE (photo) - We hide our true identity and feelings and show what we think the world wants to see.

MASK OVER EYES WITH DIFFERENT EYES (photo) - Different eyes to see and to be seen.

MATCHBOOK (hotel, casino, including phone#) - When you first strike a match it sparks and bursts with color and excitement.  The flame will then subside and settle.  The original flame will wane and gets smaller as it works down the matchstick.  The matchstick will become dark, and shriveled and distorted.  Also, when in bars, clubs, casinos, etc matchboxes are used to write down phone numbers or simply used to light up.

MEASURING TAPE - Feeling like everything we do is being measured.  A measured expectation.  What is the standard and do we fall into that standard.

MIRROR (reflection) - What we show on the outside doesn’t always line up with what we have or feel on the inside.  Can they see the truth in my reflection?

MORGANITE CRYSTAL - For forgiveness and release of shame.

PERSON ALONE (photo) - Even when others are with you there is a feeling of being alone.

PILL CASINGS - Symbol of control or escape.  To represent a need to have power over one’s life or circumstances.  A desire to numb or avoid certain emotions or situations through drugs.

PINBALL GAME - Pinball machines were illegal for several years, it became a symbol of youth and rebellion.  The ball “pushed”, hits various lights, bumpers, ramps and other targets.  It’s a game of chance never knowing when or how much you will score for hitting your targets.  So often we feel like that ball, feeling pushed not knowing what we will accomplish and “win” along the way.

PINK TRIANGLE - Symbol for the LGBT community, initially intended as a badge of shame, but later reclaimed as a positive symbol of self-identity.

PLEXIGLASS FRONT OF THE BODY THAT SAYS “IN CASE OF AN EMERGENCY, BREAK GLASS” - We hold our shame inside and if not shared it will fester and grow and eat us up.  But once shared we start to lose that shame.”

PAINTED WORDS - Words painted on the body, then sanded to hide outward feelings of hurt, shame and addiction.

POKER CHIP - Represents a gambling addiction and as in gambling always chasing the next win or fix.

PUZZLE PIECE - Life is complex and different aspects come together in interrogate ways to form a complete picture.  Often we feel like the single piece that is not whole and unified with our overall “image” as an individual, or within a family or community.

RING (photo) - Can represent the lack of commitment, the loss of a commitment or being married to the addiction.

SCALE - Loss of control over weight loss, weight gain or the comparison to others and not seeing our worth and beauty.

SEESAW (photo) - Because our striving for perfectionism creates imbalance in our lives.

SHELL - A shell is a hard, protective outer layer.  Shells found on the beach are empty because the animal has died and decomposed.  So often we create that hard shell to protect and hide what is hurting on the inside.

SILVER METAL - So close to the gold but not close enough.  So often silver medalists are more disappointed than bronze medalists because they just fell short.

SKATES - Roller skating requires a delicate balance between speed and control.  Struggling to maintain balance or experiencing falls reflects challenging periods or setbacks.

SKELETON (photo) - Can represent a warning. In dreams they can represent fear or not valuing yourself and your achievements.  They can also be a symbol of secrets being hidden and fear that someone will discover them.

SMALL JAR WITH “LIQUID TEARS” - Tears of pain can be deep and vast.  To feel sorry for yourself.

SOLO CUP (shot glass size) - These cups are a staple at parties, especially those involving alcohol.  They bring memories of youthful exuberance and carefree celebrations.

SPARK PLUG - “I have no spark.”

STITCHING THAT HAS COME UNDONE - To feel undone and like you are falling apart.

SUNLIGHT DIMMED (photo) - Shame can keep us from shining brightly.

SUNGLASSES - They have long been associated with coolness and a sense of detachment.  When worn at night, they add an extra layer of mystique and defiance.

SYRINGE PUMP - Memories of seeing used syringes and needles in playgrounds and other areas where individuals quietly go to party and use drugs.  The fear for the individuals using and for those that find the needles during the day.  These larger syringes are also used for drinking shots.

THIMBLE (buried and hard to find) - Symbolizes protection and perseverance.

VOODOO DOLL PINS - Feeling like someone or something is intending spiritual or physical harm or controlling you.

WATCH - For lost time or feeling like you can’t keep up.

WAVE (photo) - Feelings of shame can make you feel flooded with negative feelings and negative self talk.

WIRE AROUND THE HEAD - The confusion that swirls around in our head.  Struggling to keep all the facts and lies straight while also trying to hold on to what is good.

WORDS WOVEN - We don’t make sense and are hard to read and we don’t want anyone to be able to.

YARN/STRINGS - To be tied down or tied to something.

YOYO - When unstable, emotionally, physically, mentally… it feels like we are being pulled like a yo-yo.

The Faces of Addiction exhibit started by Nick Reale and curated by Liliana Beltran was at Dunedin Fine Art Center from January 10, 2025 - February 9, 2025.

BayNews9 aired a story about the exhibit January 7th

Fox 13 News aired a story about the exhibit January 16 where my piece is shown multiple times

My project, "In Case of Emergancy, Break Glass", was meant to give a different kind of voice to those that want to share their shame.  But also to show love and support while recognizing how shame can contribute to addiction.  It does not need to stop now that this piece has been assembled.

What is your shame?

Take those first steps to recognize and speak your shame.  This is a safe space.  Know that you are loved, you do belong and there are those around you that want to support you and connect with you.

Thank you to everyone that contributed your thoughts and feelings to this project.  It means so much to be trusted with the stories of your life and those that you love.  Not only have we discussed the shame, but more importantly, we have discussed the internal changes that have happened after sharing.  It has been a pure example of why this project is so important.  The ripple effect can be eternal and that makes my heart smile.  Thank you!

Love,

    Katie